My Youth Is Catching Up On Me

Science has proven  that young brains are still developing, therefore, making decisions are normally left for adults. Some are grossly underdeveloped up to their young adult life. It puts them at risk of falling into the cracks for bad decisions. Especially during senior high school and college sophomore years, life is topsy-turvy. These are years of wanton abandonment and self-discovery. Or it could be that someone's skeleton fell off the closet much early.

Growing up and being in the juvenile bracket is when life's trajectory truly started shaping up. The choice is in our hands to go North or go South.

In my case, I started confusions early in my junior high. The confusions led me to alcoholism, a stint at the nun's convent for discipline. I felt like I was trashed by my father and brother who collaborated in putting me in the convent. I think it was shameful because in reality, I was just lost and that all I need was someone to talk to which there was no one. Staying in the convent made it worst.

It was always my fault and I was always accused of...I believe that parents are willing and supportive pillars of kids growing up and struggling emotionally. But in those years, talking about sensitive issues were taboo and non-existent so those with emotional dilemma are left to fend for themselves.

I drink a lot to escape life, to numb myself from what I perceived as lousy existence. When I get to college, I prided myself with smoking. So while my brain was developing and my body was growing, I was also drowning it with alcohol and nicotine. One pack a day and I smoke the strong Marlboro, unfiltered. I thought it was cool although I knew my body was rejecting it. I easily catch cold and suffered asthma every now and then. But then, the smoking continues because in the 70's rebellion was the thing. I weaned down in the 80's and then completely quit smoking.

Being young was both fun and exhausting. One is prone to dependency of something. Mine was alcohol and smoking. What made me lucky? I did not chose to use drugs which could have ended my life so quickly. In those years of rebellion, resentments and the belief that life was hopeless, I was sober enough to know that drugs is the worst option you can get to nurse whatever bitterness there is that you suffer. Addiction will take you all the way South and there is no coming back and I knew it. It is a decision you will regret forever when you find yourself in the street, homeless and wasted. No that wasn't the life I wanted.

What year was it when I kicked off alcohol and smoking? Decades and decades ago. And why am I talking about this now? Because it's coming back back to haunt me. My doctor finds my lung defective. I need a CT Scan to ensure there is nothing serious about the findings. That is why it is the more important to remind everyone that smoking is bad for our health.

Dependency on any substance is never a way to go. Conversation is and talking to someone you trust to walk you through life is the best. I could have done it but there is no point in sulking over the bad fights I did in my life. Today is the time to mend the ruins of my past.